My mom has been too busy to help me write stuff here for awhile. Actually, I have a new job at the house. I guard her Patron tequila. She has like….three bottles! I never get to taste it. It my job to thwart people who might want to steal it. I must admit I do look fierce with my cocktail sword in hand, ready to pounce on those who have designs on that stuff.
We have a new addition to our family. Her name is Violet and she is a sock monkey. I guess I am supposed to love her because she is a distant relative. I sort of love her, but her sock monkey lips really scare me.
Violet joins the tribe
Doesn’t it look like she is trying to lean over and kiss me? Millicent the Coconut is acting all aloof too. She was my REAL girlfriend until she went off and had a fling with that macramé owl. I know we all have to get along so I am acting like I really don’t care. But I do. I have a soft heart.
I am going to Canada next week with my mom! She is taking me to visit Amy and Kelly in London, Ontario! Amy hates me for some reason. I hope she doesn’t give me to the dog or stick me in the garbage disposal. Last year when we went to Vegas, Amy and Kelly found me some cool hooker babe cards – you know the cards they snap at you when you walk down the Strip? I had a lot of fun smoking cigarettes, drinking rum, and smooshing myself all over those pictures. For those of you who don’t know, we clowns don’t really have working bits under our funny clown pants. We have to rely a lot on our imaginations or what we have seen on HBO.
Now that you mention it, I am probably a eunuch. Well, maybe not. Eunuchs are born with bits and then they lose them. I never had bits in the first place. I think that makes me better than a eunuch. More spiritual.
Mom is taking me to the production meeting at the theatre tomorrow night too. We are having it at Denny’s. One of mom’s friends is going to eat a really nasty sandwich that tops out at 895 calories. My mom tried to eat that once and was sick all night. Cheese sticks INSIDE a grilled cheese sandwich. With French fries! Or maybe you can substitute fruit if you want to be healthy. Anyway, it should be fun.
If that doesn’t yum you up, I don’t know what will.
Part of the appeal is the color of that cheese. It’s cosmic!
I have to go now. Before mom realizes I have been messing on the computer.